fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
