When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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