Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
