Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
