she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
