Fine. I'll sleep in my office
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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