Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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