She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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