I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
