first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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