I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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