dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
