I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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