No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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