There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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