So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Text me some of your sweat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
