just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My dick has a subreddit
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
