seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think I am morally bankrupt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
