And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
