your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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