i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
