her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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