i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
