I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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