i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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