Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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