This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK