I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
