You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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