If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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