Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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