I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
