It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
