She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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