Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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