3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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