took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
