the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
