you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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