this beer tastes like vomit already
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
