No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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