There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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