Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my liver is dry heaving
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
