Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
