Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
