you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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