He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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