I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
