one two three fourrrrnication!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
