Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
