Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
