nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
