And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
