Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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