I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
