Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
