just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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