Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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