I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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