I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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