Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
True college students do jello shots in the library
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