So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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