Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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