weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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