3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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