she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
