saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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