whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
