I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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