I think my vagina is haunted
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Less talking, more tequila
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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