Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
