i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
