awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
