a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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