question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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