I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
