Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
